After 4 years of bullshitting, I have finally enrolled myself in college. I start July 10th. Woo.

bought a new digicam!

i had another great night at work! my pimp game is on point. lol.

in the morning j wants me to come watch him play basketball with his friends. he's always bragging and shit. i've never seen him play though. i'm not sure if i want to go because i don't feel like baking under the hot sun...i hate sweating. we are supposed to have a "cleaning" day also cause the house has been FUCKED lately...and do some grocery shopping because we've been eating out a lot lately. I've started an experimental money management program.

gosh, the weather is so nice...
i went to my parents house today and my little sister was in town. we went to my mom's restaurant and had some steak&sushi. sure was yummy... i took her to the mall and bought some earrings for her. im bored now. i think i am going to go to walmart and by pan's labyrinth. i like those weird fantasy movies...SOME of them anyway. I am a LOTR's fan too.

anyway, back to work tomorrow. i had a GREAT night last night.

i can't deal with this nonsence anymore. its really frustrating and I'm on the verge of calling it quits because he see's no errors in his actions. there is nothing to be resolved in his eyes...so what more can I do?? N.O.T.H.I.N.G.  nothing at all. i cannot waste anymore energy into this predicament -- i'm drained. it's its not worth the fight when everything I say goes in one ear and out the other....

it doesn't matter what I say, he's still going to continue living by his standards. 1+1=1.

I feel like he's thrown our history away like it was trash or something...

fuck him.

i can do bad all by myself....


!!!!

As I'm writing this journal entry the a/c came on and blew a peice of paper down onto the keyboard...A NOTE FROM HIM...
it reads :

if you didn't say shit that you didn't mean this would be happening. (if he knows i don't mean some of the things i say, then whats the problem. he knows when i get angry i start talking shit!) you can't even talk to me. Writing notes like we in highschool. (BECAUSE HE DOESN'T FUCKIN LISTEN TO ME!!!!! AT LEAST I KNOW MY POINT IS GETTING ACROSS THROUGH THE WORDS!) Whatever. You're stupid. He has nothing to do with this bitch. it's my son I want . (DUHH. the arguement is not about the child. its about decieving!! going behind my back). And yes, they all know we're married. If we communicated you would know this. (IDIOT! whose the one not communicating??? I didn't know he'd been visiting his ex, and this baby after not seeing them for 2 years!!!!!!)


im over and done with it.

i hope they all burn in the gates of hell.

"they smile in your face...the backstabbers".

i was pissed off. this customer came in and called me over. he wanted me to sit with him and talk to him for a little while. no problem, that's my job. anyway, so he starts telling me how lovely i am (thanks you, thank u very much) and started asking a bunch of random questions.  He was like, "So, do you believe that woman was made from a man's rib?" UUGGHH! If it's one thing that ultimately pisses me off it would be religious debates. I'm not a very religious person, but I don't judge people by their religions. I'm more of a spiritual person. I have my own personal god and I live however the fuck I want to live. Everyone has their own "rights" and "wrongs". At the moment I believe that people have a choice to elect their own religion, or own personal "gods". I tell people I'm agnostic. And you won't be damned to hell for being nondenominational. People need to calm the fuck down and stop trying to force religion on others. Back to the story... so basically all he was doing was preaching the bible to me, and talking about souls, spirits, the love within & structures of a relationship ~ he kept babbling, saying "I'm not a religious man at all". I have selective hearing, so I kept  coming in and out of the conversation.Out of nowhere he said, "This man raped me when I was 14" and then "I'd take you in my truck while you kick and scream and drag you all over the country with me". UGHHH???? wTf? Profile of a fucking serial killer!!

my foot's asleep.